After changing unveiled profiles without dating on dating apps, Muhammad Ali Shah has yet to find anyone - nor is anyone really serious in Pakistan.
In the ultra-conservative Islamic
Republic, where arranged marriages are commonplace, she says many women choose
to remain anonymous, making online dating matches difficult.
The 36-year-old businessman, who lives in
the capital Islamabad, says he is "getting thinner", and friends say
he has been "disappointed" after taking advantage of the last three
years on dozens of dates over the past three years. Called a "whore".
Unlike many countries where online dating
is common, Pakistanis who regularly use dating apps face harassment and
decisive relatives - and now face government signatures. Is.
Female users in particular fear potential
retaliation and often reveal very little about themselves - using cartoons,
avatars or random pictures of nature instead of profile photos.
Shah explains, "Girls aren't
comfortable ... so they don't really put their pictures or their real names. So
it's a guessing game."
Self-talkers rely on humorous icebreakers
to start the conversation, and ask for a picture only if the possible date is
comfortable and possibly ready for a meeting.
"Most of the time I just swipe
because there's no picture. There's no real information. The names aren't
there," Shah added.
"I don't accuse women of being so
careful. I actually think it's very clever.
Saving history is just the first hurdle.
The culture of dating is not known’ in the
land itself - where extramarital sex, and homosexuality, can be punished with
imprisonment.
"People really don't understand the
concept of (dating) in Pakistan, who started using apps after their
divorce" says, Shah.
"You meet them once or twice and then
they'll say, 'We're looking for something serious.'
A 27-year-old woman from Islamabad who was
brave enough to post real photos told AFP that it was "a kind of taboo to
be on the tender".
"I kept getting calls from friends
saying 'I can't believe you're on the tender,'" he said, adding on
condition of anonymity that he had contacted both men and women.
But when business clients started trying
to communicate with him, he eventually deleted the app.
She says some of her friends who were
willing to take the risk have found different levels of success, but only after
carefully set dates.
"What we do when a friend of ours
goes on a tinder date, we usually hang out at the same place," he added.
"We make it safe in away."
If it was already difficult to find love
online, authorities last month banned Tinder, Grinder and other popular apps
from failing to "moderate" their content.
The move has already set a new precedent
in a country of 220 million people, with most online dieters in Pakistan's
urban areas coming from the middle and upper classes.
The ban has left other apps, such as Minder
and Bumblebee Dragons, out of the way, while savvy users like Shah have already
resorted to using VPNs to circumvent popular platforms such as Tinder.
"The biggest impact is on the
convenience and stability that big stakeholders like Tinder and Grinder have
provided to Pakistanis," says Zulfiqar Sohail Mannan, a 22-year-old
musician and educationist living in Lahore who belongs to the LGBTQ community.
Are part
Traditionally more inclined to date,
without an app, dating life would return to normal.
"Dating is not part of our culture or
religion. Things need to be done in a lawful way - especially as important as
finding a life partner," explains a 50-year-old Karachi-based matchmaker
who is looking for families. Helps to do Suitable partners for married
marriages for more than a decade.
"Banning these dating apps is one way
to preserve our traditions."
But despite the potential pitfalls, some
say that finding love online is possible and a way to avoid arranged marriages.
"I will only do this with the whole
culture of married marriage in Pakistan, where I parade in front of mothers,
sisters and matchmakers when they understand my shortcomings and remind me
that I am worthy of their son. How can I not, “says a 23-year-old medical
student living in Lahore who met her husband on a tender and asked not to be’
named.
"It took me a while to build trust,
respect and confidence," he added.
"But I found it on my own terms, and
that's what makes it special."
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